Sex after 50: you need to know it


The frequency of sexual intercourse of a man is directly related to his age. Sexual activity is due to the production of androgens, the presence of chronic diseases and the general condition. Physical and psychological health depend on regular intimacy.

Sexual behavior is determined by a combination of social and biological aspects depending on age. The puberty is characterized by a predominance of physiological factors. The sexual behavior of adolescents is influenced by the standards of society and personal preferences. After maturity, the frequency of sexual intercourse is equally affected by physiology and social aspects. In some men, by the age of 30, progress is often noted. Sex happens almost daily, so it can last up to 40 years. Others have a recession at this time, which is becoming more apparent every year, long breaks become a habit. After 45-50 years, the need, and most importantly the ability to fully receive and deliver sexual pleasure, is largely determined by the way of life.

The first period (from 15 to 25 years)

With the onset of regular sex life, desire becomes at least measurable: on average, a man wants to have sex 12 times a week and dreams of becoming an expert soon. It is for these reasons that young men try to change as many partners as possible. Few people think about the quality of sex at this age. Pleasure is similar to that experienced by a hungry person who received a bag of crackers: a beginner very quickly completes sexual intercourse (usually after 5 minutes), but after a moment he is ready to again throw himself into the maelstrom of passions.

The second period (from 25 to 40 years)

After a stormy youth at the age of 25 to 40, a certain satiety comes, a smooth decline in sexual activity sets in. Other priorities come first: I want to pursue a career, buy a good car, take time to raise a child.

During this period, men are less likely to have lovers (unless, of course, there are serious problems in relations with their wife). Sex is considered to be standard 1-3 times a week. Many begin to appreciate those poses in which the initiative is on the woman's side.

If family life has not yet developed by this age, then a man is building a career, working and patiently waiting for a really worthwhile option to appear on the horizon. Less often there is a desire to enter into short-term relationships, there is a fear of getting STDs (sexually transmitted diseases). Without particular harm to physical and mental health, a representative of this age group can live without sex for an average of six months.

The third period (from 40 to 53 years)

Life takes on bright colors again. Sex comes to the fore. At this age, a man becomes a real ace. Now he sharply wants to diversify his sex life. Sexual greed overwhelms him. According to statistics, a quarter of men at this age dream of changing their life completely and therefore leave their families. Many give birth to a mistress, or even not one, and, as a rule, are much younger than themselves. Peers are not associated with sex in principle. There are still many forces, but the end of active life, it seems, is just around the corner.

In this age group, the largest concentration of experienced men. They skillfully turn sex into a beautiful adventure and enjoy it themselves. Unlike young boys, they are pleased to realize what unearthly feelings a woman experiences with them.

The fourth period (from 55 and older)

Andropause (male menopause), unlike the female, comes quite sharply. At one point, a man in his prime begins to look like an elderly pensioner. The quality of sex is changing again. It takes longer to stimulate, but an erection lasts longer. Often the number of acts that a man is capable of per night increases. From time to time, unfortunate and, unfortunately, inevitable misfires happen. A frightening thought appears: “What if it’s the last time today?”

At this age, men have many complexes about their appearance. It seems that the bald, wrinkled and flabby "grandfather" will cause the woman not passion, but sympathy and desire to give a glass of water. This also mixes the fear of screwing up. Because of this fear (and not because of physiology!) Misfires usually occur.

If there is a permanent partner, men under 60 years old have sex about once a week, from 60 to 70 years old - on average once every ten days.

After 70, if sexual function persists, the elderly become very picky in the female sex. They are attracted by freshness and youth, long hair and good skin excite, and it does not matter that the new partner has not read a dozen books in her life and does not even know how to make scrambled eggs.

What is happening there?

Women after 50 notice some emotionally colored changes that accompany the menopause. But did you know that the vagina also physically changes during this period?

If in a nutshell and without going into medical terminology, then due to changes in estrogen levels, many women experience dryness in an intimate place, the walls of the vagina become thinner, and the tissues become less elastic. Naturally, all this can affect the sex life, but do not put an end to it - we have a couple of simple solutions. Firstly, it is worth changing the position, and secondly, pay more attention to the choice of lubricant.

2. Still have to worry about security

No age protects you from sexually transmitted diseases. So after 40 and after 60, you are at risk for diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydial infection, genital herpes, hepatitis B, genital warts and trichomoniasis.

With age, the risk of contracting HIV does not decrease. In the United States, half of HIV-positive people are over 50 years old. This is because the quality of medicine helps people with the virus live longer. In Russia, the majority of HIV-positive people are men aged 35–39.

So do not neglect condoms with new partners. And do not stop taking tests for STIs over the years.

I don't want sex anymore. Is everything okay with me?

The problem with libido is what many women complain about during menopause. But believe me, this is not a permanent state!

Continuing to lead an active sex life (it doesn’t matter, with or without a partner), women at this age can quickly “drive off” this period of decreased sexual desire.

But after a long abstinence, it is quite possible to resume sex life, and good lubricant and leisurelyness will again help here. Experts advise using a “vaginal dilator” - not the metal one that becomes part of the BDSM games when examined by the gynecologist, but the silicone, the more delicate ones (it’s very difficult to find such ones in the open spaces of Russian Internet sex shops - it’s better to order them in foreign stores).

What poses to try?

Unfortunately, with age, we do not become more agile and flexible, our bodies change, and some postures become less comfortable and even painful. Do not be surprised if once your favorite positions may seem simply unbearable, “when you grow up,” even if it comes to ... a missionary position! This is where everyday tricks come to the rescue - a pillow under the lower back will add comfort and help you get the same pleasure from love.

A rider and other poses where the girl is on top will give you more control, especially if penetration during this period is not the most pleasant part of sexual intercourse. And standing poses, most likely, will be liked much more than those where one of the participants in the action needs to keep his own weight on his hands and knees.

By the way, about the hands and knees: if at this age a woman was tortured by arthritis and this is a serious obstacle for having sex, it is worthwhile to follow the body. The fact is that pain manifests itself and intensifies at a certain time of day and in certain weather conditions - all individually, so the ideal advice is to keep a diary of sensations.

But what if he does not want to?

Yes, not only women experience a sexual crisis during menopause. Men also have a hard time at 50-60, they are especially upset by problems with erection and ejaculation.

All this is not a reason to put an end to sexual life. A great impetus for more sensual and thoughtful pleasures. Young people in the crazy rhythm of life are accustomed to postpone everything until retirement - so now is the perfect moment to study each other's bodies and find alternative sources of pleasure.

No need to focus on orgasms and penetrations, many people take great pleasure in exchanging sexual fantasies, reading erotica, affection, hugs and kisses.

Is this even legal?

For some reason, it is generally accepted that after a certain age of entertainment (except for knitting and weeding the beds in the country), women should not remain. But we know that this is not so, and after 50 everything is just beginning. It has long been proved by scientists from different countries that sex affects the quality and duration of life, and you are not an enemy to yourself, in order to shorten your own life yourself.

Another stereotype of young people is an aging body that is non-sexual. Okay, it may seem so when you have been separated for decades, but when it comes to plus or minus peers, the edges no longer seem so clear.

Try to close your eyes with a sleeping mask and run your hands over your body - and you will learn a lot of new things (at any age). And it would be foolish to deprive yourself and even that “guy” of pleasure only because it seems to you that others will treat you just as critically.

So drop the article, jump into bed with confidence and pride and enjoy sex. Aren't you 50? Especially!

"Age of survival" and a stone penis

Naturally, sex at 70 is not the same as at 20, primarily because normal age-related changes occur with the body. At 45–55 years, women go through a menopause: for several years, the ovaries stop producing eggs and hormonal changes in the body occur, which are often accompanied by unpleasant symptoms, such as “hot flashes” (when it suddenly becomes hot and the face starts to “burn”), mood swings, weakness, changes in skin texture, body proportions, the appearance of noticeable wrinkles. Many women note a decrease in libido, vaginal dryness and discomfort during penetration - due to a decrease in the amount of estrogen throughout the body, the walls of the vagina become thinner and more sensitive, less lubrication is released. Not all women experience the negative effects of menopause, but many note depression, anxiety, and emotional instability, much like during PMS (imagine a few years PMS!).

Experts note that anxiety and depressive states during menopause are more often manifested in those who encountered them in their youth, and associate the vulnerability of the psyche during this period not only with hormones, but also with social expectations: women obviously do not feel more confident and calmer, when they say to them that menopause is a “sunset of life”, and their “rose has faded”. The average life expectancy of women in our country exceeds 77 years - it turns out that Russians must spend more than 20 years of their lives in a state of “sunset”. The period after retirement in official documents is called the "age of survival" - what kind of sex is it when you are offered for twenty years to noblely fade away and prepare for death.

By the age of 50, an important stress factor disappears - the fear of an unplanned pregnancy, and the ability to get orgasms remains

But there is good news: despite all the difficulties associated with hormonal restructuring, some women say that after menopause their sex life has improved, because by the age of 50, an important stress factor disappears - the fear of an unplanned pregnancy, and the possibility of getting orgasms remains. Many of the unpleasant symptoms of menopause can be alleviated - including with the help of sex: we already talked about how oxytocin produced during orgasm is useful, and how sexual arousal and discharge act on the body.

Men also go through age-related changes - not as dramatic as women, but no less exciting. By analogy with menopause, the processes occurring in the male body are called andropause - this is not a completely correct term, since men do not lose their ability to reproduce, but experience a gradual decrease in testosterone production. Every fifth man in life faces erectile dysfunction. It was previously believed that this disorder is associated with age-related changes, but now doctors are sure that it is caused by medical or psychological factors: erectile dysfunction is much more common in men with diabetes, cardiovascular and neurological diseases, it is also associated with a lifestyle (for example, addiction to alcohol and cigarettes) and psychological state - like women, many men in adulthood feel less attractive, and erectile dysfunction make them doubt their “husband” of nature ”, which in the collective consciousness is associated with a stone penis.

On the screen, you can hardly see a bed scene or a close-up with a kiss of people over 60

On the level of attraction, the ability to arousal and orgasm in both men and women are affected not only by diseases, but also by the drugs that treat them. This is not as scary as it seems: most common problems can be solved by contacting a regular therapist, psychotherapist, sexologist or endocrinologist who will help you choose hormone replacement therapy. In adulthood, there are many advantages that apply to sex: by the age of 50-60 people begin to better understand what they like, listen to their body and take care of it, get rid of stereotypes and unrealistic expectations.

Partners who live together for a long time completely cease to be embarrassed of each other - moreover, if adult children have safely moved to their homes, their parents finally have their own space and more time for each other. Lonely people can also be sexually active - it is more difficult for them to get acquainted with partners of their age than 20-year-olds, but no one has canceled masturbation and sex toys (especially since things like vaginal balls and exercise machines help keep the pelvic muscles in good shape, so women after menopause, they are very useful). It turns out that there are no objective physiological reasons to stop having sex at 45 or at 60 - the fact that many people voluntarily refuse to have sex in adulthood are primarily guilty of cultural attitudes.

Pop culture and eternal youth

Intimate relationships in adulthood are a topic that popular culture ignores or makes fun of: talking about sexually active elderly people is either in the spirit of “gray hair in the beard, demon in the ribs”, as if they behave indecently, or ironically-affectionately - as if that people over 60 are able to love and enjoy, there is something unusual and inspiring. “The natural need for bodily contact, tenderness, manifestation of sympathy and love is buried behind talking about decent behavior, age characteristics, and special spirituality of the older age. This is ageism, or total discrimination of a person by age, ”says sociologist Dmitry Rogozin.

Older people are so little represented in popular culture, and romantic and sensual relationships between them are very rare: although there is a slight shift in the cinema towards a positive image of old age, you can hardly see a bed scene or a close-up with a kiss of older people on the screen 60. One of these exceptions is the film “45 years” noted at the Berlin Film Festival, in which Charlotte Rampling and Tom Courtney play spouses who have lived together for almost half a century. The picture differs from other stories about the family crisis not only in that it has a realistic bed scene, but also in that the intimate relationships of a middle-aged couple are shown outside the comedy context. “It was funny and strange to watch how awkward silence suddenly appeared during the viewing in the auditorium, the audience is sure that Charlotte’s heroine, Kate, will close the door to the bedroom now, and the episode will end. But it wasn’t there - we continue to shoot in the bedroom, - said director of the film Andrew Hay after the premiere. “The fact that, getting older, people cease to be sexually attracted to each other, for me, a 42-year-old man, is a very sad circumstance.”

In most Hollywood films, sex is “those for whom. "Appears solely as a reason for jokes: in box office hits like" Marigold Hotel. The best of exotic ”all the sex scenes remain behind the scenes, and in those films where bed scenes with older people are still there, the attention of the audience is focused on comic difficulties like a crunchy back or the need to run into the kitchen for Viagra. There is also a gender imbalance: scenes involving mature men and much younger women are common, and recruitment is almost never. 70-year-old men often play 50-year-olds, but with women the situation is the opposite: however, even if the actress's age is as prescribed in the script, it is unlikely that real women will associate themselves with superstars like the same Charlotte Rampling or Meryl Streep.

"45+" and pensioners of Russia

It would be dishonest to compare Russian pensioners with Westerners without mentioning the differences in their standard of living: most Russians over 60 live, to put it mildly, not richly, and pressing problems like lack of drugs or food clearly put sex problems in the background. It is hard to imagine that Russians over 70 rejoice at the new vibrator in the same way as the heroine of the series “Grace and Frankie” - primarily because such a vibrator costs as much as three pensions. The same can be said about consultations with a sexologist, and about psychotherapy, and even about buying condoms - all this is available to a narrow layer of more or less affluent pensioners. Nevertheless, the main problem remains ageism and a culture of shame, in which older people are denied sexuality and physicality in general.

From the USSR we got the belief that in youth you can have a little fun, and then “you need to raise children” and no longer have sex - after the birth of grandchildren, sex should finally disappear by itself. According to surveys of Russian pensioners, it becomes clear that people give up physical intimacy at 45–55 years old voluntarily, for no serious reason - simply because it is customary. In the older generation there are many single people, especially women - the difference in life expectancy also affects the fact that new relationships “at sunset” (although “sunset” can take 20 or 30 years) start unusual and scary.

“Is it possible to live at the age of“ 45+ ”as brightly as in youth? Today, a woman is even capable of this! ”, Themed sites cheerfully declare, deftly ignoring the fact that 45 is not old age at all. Relationships, falling in love and sex are for young, thin and healthy, therefore any manifestations of sexuality and eroticism at an older age (and 45-60 years old are considered to be “older age” for sex in Russia) are surrounded by an aura of shame. Nevertheless, Russians over 60 are engaged in sex - and, as sociologists at the RANEPA have found out, they are even ready to talk about it. The head of the study, Dmitry Rogozin, notes that women talk much more willingly and calmly about relationships and intimacy: apparently, this is due to the fact that all romantic topics are labeled as “female,” and it’s “not solid” for men to discuss this, so the language for talking about sex is They worked out at the level of boasting to the boys. It’s important to understand that not only glamorous slender old women like Buddy Winkle have sex - the most ordinary elderly people also have sex, those who have never accessed the Internet, live in a small town, watch talk shows on Channel One and embodies other stereotypes about old age in Russia.

Lifehacks and security

If you type “sex and older people” in the search bar, you'll get tons of links to porn. In the English-language search, porn also comes across, but the situation is generally better: at the request of “sex seniors” there are links to life-style publications for the elderly with tips, safety rules, dating forums and personal stories. Western doctors and sexuality researchers are sure that there is nothing abnormal in the intimate life of older people, but they emphasize the need for sexual education: not everyone knows that condoms are also needed after menopause - pregnancy certainly will not occur, but you can easily catch an infection.

We once wrote a whole text that an erect penis is not necessary for sex - the same idea is promoted by specialists advising sexually active pensioners. Adulthood is the time to reconsider attitudes toward intimacy in principle and expand your sexual practices: changes in the body and some diseases do not always make it possible to have sex just like in youth, but they include imagination and make you try new things. Massage, oral sex, long preludes, hugs and touches - these and many other sexual practices are available even to the oldest couples.

The Internet is full of instructions for those who plan to resume sex life after a heart attack or stroke, suffer from joint pain and other health troubles

The Internet is full of instructions for those who plan to resume sex life after a heart attack or stroke, recover from a hip fracture, suffer from joint pain and other health troubles. After menopause, women are advised not to skimp on lubrication, as well as not to endure pain and go to the doctor with any complaints - for some reason, only a small part of sexually active pensioners use this option. The right to sexuality is also recognized by the inhabitants of nursing homes - in progressive institutions, older people are given the opportunity to retire and distribute free condoms, and formed couples can live together. This is not a call for debauchery, but respect: the elderly are often treated as helpless children, even if their intellect is in order, and depriving them of the last grains of independence.

If the idea of ​​having sex at 80 still seems ridiculous to you, you can recall that in Pushkin times a 25-year-old woman was considered a respectable lady, and a 50-year-old woman was considered an old old woman, but the average life expectancy and ideas about old age have changed a lot since then . If modern Russian pensioners are primarily Soviet people and are not used to talking about sex, then 80-year-olds in the West are those who hung out at Woodstock, lived in hippie communes, participated in the Stonewall riots, demonstrations in May 1968 and the first gay -parada - or at least followed these events in the news. Those who were sexually active in their youth do not want to stop because of someone's prejudices - so even more is expected from the current generation of emancipation and sexual enlightenment.

Photo: Land of Women, Peter Rommel Productions, Fabula

3. You continue to masturbate

Studies have shown that from 16 to 59 years, the percentage of masturbating women in the United States does not decrease and remains within 60%. A third of women over 70 also masturbate. On average, 70% of men masturbate to 69 years. Then the indicator drops to 46%.

In Russia, such studies are not enough, basically we always refer to foreign statistics. However, masturbation surveys have been conducted in many countries. On average, they say the same thing: until 30 years, people masturbate almost every day and continue to do this for at least 60 years.

4. It will be harder to have sex

This is due to the physiological changes in the body that we inherited from primitive people. Up to 40 people rarely survived, and the whole idea was to have time to produce offspring before death. Evolution did not see any reason to leave the working reproductive system to those who would soon die, so now menopause in women actually occurs in the middle of life, which was previously unthinkable.


In premenopausal women (between 40 and 50 years), estrogen levels begin to fall, menstruation becomes less regular, the vagina can narrow and its walls may become thinner. In most women, less vaginal lubrication begins to be released, which can cause pain during sex. Thin walls of the vagina after penetration can bleed, and this increases the risk of infections. Water-based lubricants will help to solve this problem.

If a woman uses hormone replacement therapy to treat various menopause symptoms, such as hot flashes, her libido may increase.

All your disturbing changes in the body that affect your sex life should be reported to your doctor. He will help you choose the best way to solve problems.


Between 40 and 50 years in men, changes associated with an erection begin. Erotic dreams are no longer enough to lift the penis - you need genital caresses.

Journalist Michael Castleman, who has been writing about sex for 36 years, says that an erection in men over 40 can be much less stable.

Now, any distraction can lead to the fact that the erection will end. But this is not erectile dysfunction, but dissatisfaction with his new middle-aged erection. And this is not a problem.

If the changes are still bothering you, go to the doctor before taking the advertised medication for an erection or go to alternative medicine. Most likely, your problem is easily solved and you have no erectile dysfunction.

5. But the quality of sex will improve

Many women over 40 are more satisfied with their sex than in their youth. Here are some of the reasons they call:

  • “Men of my age are definitely better in bed; they are generally less selfish, more experienced and focused on giving women pleasure.”
  • “I’m 55, I clearly know my body, I can tell and show my partner what to do with it.”
  • “It's amazing how self-confidence and your body make it easier to enjoy.”
  • “The biggest change for me is that I’m no longer afraid to offend another person by telling him what and how I like in bed. At 20, 30 I was afraid to ask for new things to be done so that they would not think that they were doing poorly now. I’m 43 now, and I’m definitely not shy about talking in bed. ”
  • “I am 55. My husband is 58. Our children have grown up; they can no longer interfere with us. We are not afraid of pregnancy. We do not care about our wrinkles. We can finally enjoy each other and be as loud as we want. ”

Journalist Michael Castleman notes that pain during intimacy in women and insufficient erection in men force many partners to reconsider their approach to sex and significantly diversify it.

Unfortunately, many people believe that sex is exclusively in-out. And when problems begin with this, they think that sex for them is completely over.

Castleman claims that this age reveals intimacy for real: couples move away from this unified perception of “right” sex and begin to experiment. Oral sex, toys and role-playing games are becoming a normal practice.

7. But heart disease will complicate the pleasure

The narrowing and hardening of the arteries affects the blood vessels and impedes the movement of blood in the body. As a result, men and women may have problems with orgasms. It may also take longer to become aroused, and it will be more difficult for men to maintain an erection.

At the age of 50, this does not threaten you, but it is better to take care of your health in advance: eat right, be physically active and do not delay going to the doctor if your heart bothers.

Studies show that most orgasms occur in women over 36 years old. And women in 67 experience an orgasm more often than in 24. But there are no physiological reasons for this.

The only thing is that women gain self-confidence and begin to voice their desires or criticism. And men perceive criticism better than at 20, and are ready to devote more time to foreplay. Both those and others are ready for experiments and new sensations.

So why endure 15 years of bad sex in order to finally begin to respect yourself and listen to your body at 50?

According to the idea of ​​nature, people after 50 should not have had sex at all, and we made this period the best in sexual life, because there were no rules for him and we had to improvise.

So do not be afraid of sex after 50 years, it will become better. But remember, you will make the best sex yourself. And you have everything to start doing it at 20.

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Watch the video: What do Men Really Think? Love and Sex after 50 (March 2020).